Wednesday 4 July 2018

Salmon ponds


After sharing some of my recent poems about parenting with a fellow poet of mine, she said she was surprised at the tone and content of them, that the photos I posted on Facebook gave off a lovely, smiling, happy impression of our lives and she would never have guessed I was finding motherhood challenging. I laughed and then shared the following poem that I had written about the difference between a photo on Facebook and the underlying experience. Facebook is a strange, complicated thing and I won't launch into a discussion about it here, but I thought I would share that poem. When I read it at the Seasonal Poets event a few people came up to me afterwards and told me they could relate :-) 


Salmon Ponds

gorgeous sibling Facebook photos
matching navy track pants,
one with pink beanie and pom-pom on top, one with white wispy hair
arm around the other’s shoulders, looking at the camera, smiling cutely

it was freezing
my hands turned to ice in ten minutes
it was day eight of husband being away for work
it was an outing planned for the sanity-salvaging forty-five minute drive there and back
it was the morning after being up through the night with toddler teething troubles,
woken early by daughter with phantom wet undies
it was after toy pram fights and three time-outs before packing the bag

on the way there, after wrestling son into seat with some force,
after stopping numerous times to cajole him to put arms back in straps,
after he removed shoes and socks which had been a struggle to put on,
after he ripped a page out of my favourite childhood book,
it was pointing out cows and swans,
explaining paper mills and singing along as the frog jumped out of the pond

on the way home it was relieved silence as they both slept and I wondered
how to resuscitate my mood, where to suture my patience,
how a simple outing could have been so onerous.

it was only the small things,
the fights over fish feed,
pellets flung to the ground as one snatched a cup from the other,
the anxiety of watching a toddler saunter close to the edge
the slow-motion response to my “Look! A fish jumped!”
“Look! A fish swimming, see its colourful tail swishing!”
my pointing and exclaiming
which failed to assist them to ever spot the fish

the fact that neither ate their treat – maple syrup pancakes –
so I ate them all and felt sick and bulky,
that son started pulling apart the already-ripped back of his highchair
and wouldn’t desist,
that he cried out repeatedly to be let down when I was still sipping my tea,
that they took turns banging their spoons on the table,
the trip to the loo with me wrestling him away from bin, toilet paper, tap, soap,
grabbing him up as he commando-crawled across the dirty floor to evade me,
the second trip to the loo thirty minutes later which resulted in no more three-year-old wee
just more two-year-old wrestling
the fights over sandwiches, drink bottles

the leisurely walk along the creek where I was hoping
to stretch my legs, get a slight pace going to warm up,
but where I had to stop every metre
because son refused to sit in pram,
wouldn’t walk in the right direction
or actually follow any instructions to leave the gate open /
don’t climb through the creek fence / hurry up
and daughter refused to hop out when I did finally convince son to hop in.

It’s just little things, over-reactions,
inflated expectations, taking things too seriously,
but look, here are my adorable children
smiling sweetly at the camera, her arm around his shoulders
beside the glistening pond –
(at least I got a good photo)
imagine if you will, the lovely time we had.





6 comments:

  1. Kids! A gift and a curse. Stick with it. Hang around long enough and you get to spoil the grandkids.

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    Replies
    1. Yep, the highs and lows are amazing. A whole different experience being a grandparent I imagine :-)

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  2. Great poem, Susan! So relentless, this parenting job! As soon as you manage to regain your calm (which can take some time), the little sweethearts manage to press your buttons again! Aghhh!!! Take time out whenever you can and look after yourself because it's so hard to control your mindset otherwise (that's what I've found anyway).

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  3. Great poem, Susan! So relentless, this parenting job! As soon as you manage to regain your calm (which can take some time), the little sweethearts manage to press your buttons again! Ahhhh!!! Take time out whenever you can, look after yourself because it's so hard to control your mindset otherwise (that's what I've found).

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  4. Faint memories only now but that is life. There is more to come for you Susan. Sweet times.

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